So here am I again, just hours since my last post. I'm an idiot.
I went to print off my tickets for "Wicked" during my lunch break and turns out, it was last Friday not tonight. I had written down the wrong date. I can't get a refund, I can't exchange them. I had bought 3 tickets, 2 for me and my sister, and one for our friend. $215 wasted.
I feel like the ultimate failure. Not just because of being an idiot and not paying attention to the dates, but a failure as a sister.
(This is the part where I am just going to vent as I cry my eyes out... they are already swollen. As I was reading others blogs today there seemed to be a common theme of this freedom and trust that we all have in each other to just express ourselves and be vulnerable as we post. I am going to do that right now)
So, in the past couple of months have been really hard. My sister and I are 6 years apart but she is my best friend. I have always been there for her, except for these past couple of months. I had been struggling so much on what I was suppose to do in the fall, and feeling far from God, and feeling stressed at work, and just everything that I pushed her and my family away. It wasn't until recently when I wrote that post about my epiphany on MI that I finally started to connect with my sister again.
I had bought the tickets for Christmas and was so thankful that I did cause this was going to be our night. This night that I set aside to just spoil her and talk to her and show her why I love musicals. SHe has been looking forward to this since Dec, I have been looking forward to this since December. But I'm a failure.
I feel stuck.
I know I'm suppse to move to MI. I know that my parents and friends approve of this move. I know that my guilt of didtching my sister shouldn't hold me back but it is.
I know that I shouldn't be feeling like this but I am. I don't know what to do. I know that there are going to be other nights and other moments and opportunities for us to hang out before I leave, but tonight was suppose to be our fresh start.
Yes, I can still take her out on a date night and I most likely will but I feel like I have dissapointed her to the extreme.
Any moment now she is going to come into my classoom like she always does and hopefully I will have this post finished. But all day I have gotten texts from her saying how horrible and long her day was. All day I have been getting texts about how the only thing that is getting her thorugh is "wicked". How do I tell her?
I am such an idiot.
I deserve a time out.
I somehow need to figure this out.
I most likely wont be in the chat room today.
I need to fight this depression I feel coming on.
Wish me luck.
Independent Food Testing Laboratories
11 years ago
You're not an idiot. It will all be ok. Mistakes happen but all you can do is change it in the future. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all still love you.
ReplyDeleteKim
You are a fantastic person and a great sister. Don't doubt that, not even for even a second. That guilt you're feeling? it lets me and i'm sure it lets her know just how much you care. My brother and I are 6 years apart too and it took me graduating for us to finally be a real part of each other's lives. I know how that dissppointment feels and I wish i could take it away from you. It's going to be okay and she's still going to love you and I bet, tonight will be full of surprises and memories that you never would've expected. just have hope and faith and you'll see. I'm here if you need me.
ReplyDelete-Becca
Oh Raquel... I'm so sorry!! All I can say is that everything happens for a reason - that's the motto I live by. Don't be too hard on yourself - there will be plenty of opportunities for you and your sister to connect before you move to MI.... and you never know, it may strengthen your relationship even more! I too am leaving my entire family behind and I feel that same sort of guilt about leaving my niece who is like my sister - who looks up to me more than anyone in the world... but I just remind myself that my relocation doesn't have to change our relationship, and I have to do what's right for ME instead of everyone else.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your night and the lost money on the tickets... I hope you two found something fun to do together instead! *HUG*
See the thing about sisters is...she will forgive you and she will love you no matter what...I mean I'm pretty sure that is how things work...Sisters can love each other and hate each other at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI know from experience. My sister is 5 years younger than me, has been living with me since I moved into my apartment back in Sept. I have always been the one that loved her more...I give more, and she takes more...and sometimes I have really hated that...it has become more apparent since we've lived together (b/c it has been the only time in our lives we have lived together).
Tomorrow she is moving out into an apartment with her boyfriend. I am happy for her. I will have someone who has, in some ways been using me recently, gone...but I'm gonna miss her too. She isn't going to be far...like less than 5 minutes away really.
ok I rambled too much...its late...